Job wanted

I seem to be constantly looking for a job. Writing is fun, but doesn’t buy you any meal. Teaching Italian is also fun, but it doesn’t buy you much either. So I am checking the ads everyday, hoping to come across the job of my dreams. Which probably, by definition, only exists in my own imagination.

That’s how I came acquainted with job offers of the like “Sr Mgr SW QA Engineering Mgtm“, or “Android developer“. It really makes you feel the hi-tech is all pervasive over here, a parallel nation where people speak a different language. A “Brew developer” is probably not distilling beers, as well as a “Python expert” is likely far from poisonous snakes. What does an “Oracle programmer” do? Scheduling ritual chicken slaughtering for prophecy purposes?

Every job has its own specification requirements. In Jerusalem, they are currently looking for a “Debt collector“, which must be “energetic and enthusiastic”, although he can work from home (the ad does not clarify how the candidate is supposed to collect debts while sitting on his couch). If you feel inspired, you can apply for being a “Part-time assistant to international lecturer, author, radio personality and Rabbi“, but only if you are “committed to making a difference in the Torah world”.

When the monk Siddharta went to town looking for a job, seeing he looked like a wandering man, a merchant asked him: “But what can you do?”. He replied “I can think. I can wait. I can fast”. Very noble. Let’s see, which job would he get away with today, listing these qualifications? Hardly any. Today, if you apply to one of the many marketing jobs, you’ll need to be “aggressive”, “sales driven”, and “a person which won’t take no for an answer”. Personality requirements seem to be far more important than your diplomas. I even came across an ad which stated “and the candidate must receive many likes in his Facebook profile”. This is the world today.

Israel is a country with a quite dynamic, diversified economy. While a web developer is securing his SEO assistant in Tel Aviv, in some other place in the same small country, someone is looking for a “Goat Worker (male or female)“, for “goat milking and veterinary care”. Want to be a “Cook for kibbutz kitchen“? You’ll need to be “motivated and energetic, able to work in a team and receive orders”. Maybe you’ll be better off as a “Sushi roller“, since they promise “Youthful atmosphere and good conditions”.

Among the professions more in demands we find “dental assistant” and “nail builder“: women will always want to be beautiful and teeth will keep on falling, so if you belong to one of these categories of workers, your future is secured. It seems that also “Mandarin speaker movement teachers” are on the rise, “to teach Mandarin to children aged 3-8”. In case someone is looking for a mission.

Not many ads actually mention the salary one can expect for these wonderfully diverse, exciting job opportunities. When they do, it is almost a joke: I saw an ad for a “Night shift telemarketer” who is expected to work 5 days a week from 11 pm to 5.30 am for 41 shekels an hour -wow thanks, that 1 shekel extra really makes a difference!

In Italy we have a saying: il mondo é bello perché é vario – the world is beautiful because it is so variegated. In Israel, I haven’t found a way to fulfill my potential, yet. I did get excited over a couple of ads, for which I was willing to step out of my front door : “Aquarium overseer” and “Pastry shop store worker“, but I am afraid I over qualify for both. I also thought about “worker for Alpaca farm (with 350 alpacas, Lamas and other animals)“, but they needed someone with proved experience in livestock care.

Maybe I should seek for myself the expertise of a much wanted “Success manager“. In the meanwhile, if you hear about a good job, where you don’t have to wake up before 9 am and don’t have to sell people stuff they don’t need, please let me know. I can forward you my resume.


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